The Context for Harmful Behavior

What did I need when…

Directions for Discussion: Part I

  1. Pair up. On the paper provided, draw 2 columns on both sides.
  2. Share a story with your partner about a time when you were harmed (emotionally, psychologically or physically) by someone.
  3. When you are finished, your partner asks you what you needed when that happened. Partner writes the needs you identify in one of the columns.
  4. Turn the paper over. Switch roles. Repeat.

Directions for Discussion: Part II

  1. Share a story with your partner about a time when you hurt someone – when you caused the harm.
  2. When you are finished, your partner asks you what you needed when you did that.
  3. Partner writes the needs you identify in the column next to the one where your needs when hurt were recorded.
  4. Turn the paper over. Switch roles. Repeat.
  5. Share observations with your partner of your 2 lists of needs—when hurt and when causing hurt. What do you notice?
  6. Are the lists different or similar?

Pairs write their lists of needs on designated Flip Chart Poster.

As a group, what do we notice about these lists?

NOTE: The article and video “The Danger of a Single Story” is a nice lead in or follow-up to this exercise. Learning that there is always a story, but we need to discern whether the story we are telling ourselves (and maybe others) is really accurate.